Men's talk
by Darkano95
Summary: Luffy tells to the men of the crew how Nami ate his banana. If you know what I mean ;) Rated M.
1. Men's talk

Usopp narrowed his eyes at a scenery that felt odd to him. His captain was sitting in front of him, in the dining room, and he tapped his index finger on the table with an angry face.

"What's wrong Luffy? You look like you're in a bad mood," Usopp said.

The other guys looked at the two of them. Everyone beside Chopper, Nami and Robin were in the room. They were really bored out of their mind so they quickly got interested by the conversation.

"He must be irritated by the lack of exciting things," Sanji supposed while washing the dishes.

"Just wait for Franky to finish what he is building and he will surely get excited," Zoro said.

"Ow! It will be ready in ten minutes, so prepare yourselves!" Franky exclaimed.

Luffy was still grumbling under his breath.

Brook then asked, "Luffy-san? Are you okay?"

Luffy didn't answer as he gritted his teeth.

"Oi Luffy! We won't know what's making you angry if you don't tell us!" Usopp told him.

The captain's face suddenly went back to normal and blinked at them. "Did you say something?"

They all sighed at the same time.

"We asked what was irritating you since you came here, shitty captain," Sanji said.

"Hmm…Well, you know…just before coming here, I rested on the couch of the library alone…" Luffy started and everyone beside Sanji, got closer to him by sitting at the table.

They looked intently at him as it helped them get out of their bore. Even Franky forgot his invention and listened to Luffy.

"After a while, Nami came inside the room. I just thought that she came to make some maps…"

Everyone nodded.

"Then she saw me and she started staring at me…hungrily…"

"What?" Zoro lifted his brow.

"You don't mean 'angrily'?" Franky asked.

Luffy shook his head. "No, I said 'hungrily'. She had that look in her eyes that said she wanted something."

"Oi shitty captain. If you say something wrong about Nami-san, I will fillet you," Sanji warned.

"I didn't do anything! Nami was the one who jumped on me!" Luffy said quickly, followed by the sound of a plate falling on the floor.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Sanji yelled.

"Wa-wait Luffy," Usopp stuttered. "What do you mean she jumped on you?"

"Just like I said, she jumped on me and started eating my banana!"

Zoro, Franky and Brook spit their drinks on the table.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Sanji cried.

Franky recovered quickly and yelled, "What do you mean?! Tell us in details."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING HIM?! I'm out of this," Zoro said but Franky blocked him.

"Wait a minute Zoro. Don't you think that it can be useful for your debts?"

Zoro had to admit that Franky was right. He sat down and reluctantly listened.

"We're listening to you," Brook said.

Luffy nodded before continuing, "Well first she peeled it slowly."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SHUT UP!" They all yelled.

"Then she started licking it like a Popsicle."

"You didn't do anything?" Usopp asked, his face a little red.

"I was too surprised that she jumped on me!" Luffy whined.

"I see…" Brook nodded.

"After that she sucked it. I couldn't move since she was on me."

Usopp and Franky gulped while Zoro gritted his teeth at the way this conversation turned.

"She licked and sucked it many times…I asked her why she was doing that, and she said that it was better to lick it before the main act. She also said that…she wanted to taste it as much as she could," Luffy explained, crossing his arms.

All the guys were leaning a little forward as they felt a little tight in their pants…or underpants in Franky's case.

"She kept sucking it for a full minute and I couldn't hold it back anymore... I was about to tell her that..."

"And then?" Brook asked with a lewd grin.

"She bit off my banana."

" **GYYAAAAAAAHHH?!** "

Everyone fell on the floor, feeling a sharp pain between their legs. Sanji was shaking, kneeling down with his head on the floor as his hand gripped his groin.

"What's wrong, everyone? Why are you yelling?" Nami asked as she entered the room with Robin.

Robin laughed, "They must have heard about you stealing the banana that Luffy was about to eat."

"WHAT?!" The guys yelled.

"I still didn't forgive you!" Luffy scowled to Nami.

The male members of the crew wanted to face palm really hard, but they still didn't recover from the shock.

Nami blinked as she didn't understand why they were rolling on the floor in pain. She just tried to tempt Luffy by jumping on him and eating a banana seductively, while pressing her body against him. Not that he noticed…

Usopp climbed on the table like a dying man and asked, as if it was his last breath. "Luffy…what did you mean when you said you couldn't hold back anymore?"

Luffy tilted his head. "Hmm? I wanted to take a leak obviously. What did you think it was?"

Usopp just fell on the floor and Robin stifled a laugh as she was the only one that heard the whole story while knowing what happened before.

"Seriously what happened to all of you?" Nami asked.

"Luffy cut off our bananas," Franky muttered.

"I don't have one though, yohohohoho."

* * *

 **I'm sure you guys hate me now XD**

 **Well, I just wrote this because I just found the idea amusing. I needed a break from writing my other fic. But don't worry; I almost finished the next chapter. After reading this, Sweet Vacation might be better too ^^**


	2. Women's talk

" **Men's talk" had so much reviews that I wanted to do another one-shot with the same theme for quite some time. But I couldn't find anything so I just changed the theme a little, and now I got something. Enjoy~**

* * *

 _ **Women's Talk**_

"I can't believe him!" Nami fumed when she entered the Women's Quarters.

"What's wrong Nami?" Robin asked as she was sitting on her bed, reading a book as usual.

The sun was setting, and the crew was tired. They spent an entire day on an island they found this morning.

It was deserted but it seemed to be full of great adventures and beautiful places to see. Nami was as enthusiastic about it as Luffy, since she decided to wear only a bikini with a beach sarong around her hips before following her captain. But now, she looked really pissed off.

"Something bad happened?" the black-haired woman asked. She was on guard duty for the day so she was the only one who didn't go to the island.

"No. The island was great," Nami answered plainly, before she grinned. "I really need to show you my favorite spot. A natural pool surrounded by autumn leaves! It was so beautiful!"

Robin smiled. "Really? I can't wait."

"But the problem was that stupid captain of ours." Nami's angry face came back.

"What did he do?" Robin asked, almost uninterested, since she was used to Luffy's antics.

"You know, when we reached the other side of the island," Nami started to explain as she sat on her own bed, facing Robin. "Luffy dragged me to a corner of the beach behind the rocks. Just the two of us."

The archeologist blinked, now getting interested by the conversation. It sounded a lot like those scenes in her romantic books.

"He said that he had a surprise for me. At first, I thought he found something beautiful like a pearl, and I was excited too! But when he was sure that there was no one around…he just, _flashed_ that thing to me!"

Robin's eyes widened. "What?"

"You know! That long, thick, gross-looking thing with a fishy smell! He just pulled that out of his pants, and showed it as if he expected me to be entranced by it!"

Robin looked at her orange-haired friend with her jaw agape.

"Well, I admit that I was completely frozen by the sight at first- not from amazement though -but when I saw it twitch a little, I fell over and panicked. It was my first time seeing one after all!"

The older woman listened without saying anything. No matter how you think, it's clearly _that_ sort of situation. The sort of situation where naughty things happen behind the rocks of a beach. She never expected that Luffy of all people would start it though.

"I panicked just by the sight of that thing! So what do you expect me to do when that moron was about to hit my face with it?!" Nami shouted with almost teary eyes.

Robin sighed with a soft smile. Obviously, Nami smacked him and ran away from his sudden advances…

She thought that it was her job as the older woman to give advices to her younger friend.

"Nami. I know Luffy can be extremely spontaneous about all sorts of things. So I shouldn't even be surprised that he did that. But, he would be sad if you just left him like that after he did his best to show his _affection_ for you."

Nami crossed her arms under her chest. "I don't need his affection if he has to show me something vulgar like that."

"Believe me Nami. I know it might look gross at first, but it's something that you get used to, really easily."

The orange-haired navigator stood up fast and yelled, "Why do I have to get used to that?! It will always be gross, and something sticky was coming out of it you know?!"

"Of course I know. It's really natural," Robin continued to smile, as if she was teaching about the bird and the bees to a little girl. "You will understand if you accept Luffy the next time he comes to you."

Nami shrieked. "Never! If he approaches me with that green thing again, I will kill him!"

Now Robin blinked. "Wait. Green…?"

"You shitty captain! If you do that again, I will stop cooking meat for you!"

"He is right Luffy! I never want to see something like _that_ again!" Chopper cried.

"That was not really much if you ask me. It was what he _did_ before with it that was the most terrifying."

"I SUPER agree with Zoro. That's not something someone sane would do…"

Nami and Robin went outside at the sound of their male crewmates coming back to the ship as they were complaining to the captain.

"What happened?" Robin asked them.

"Oh, Robin-chwan!" Sanji swooned, before he became irritated again. "Luffy was making pranks to each of us with a shitty…SEA CUCUMBER he found at the beach! We were all attacked by him with that gross creature!"

"Yeah!" Chopper cried again. "I was so scared when it squirted something sticky in my face! And it was disgusting!"

"I had it worse, Chopper-san! Luffy-san completely stuffed it in my eye socket!"

The black-haired woman's eyes widened as she thought something. She looked at her friend to see if her hypothesis was right.

Nami was covering her mouth as if she was about to puke, making Robin realize that she actually misunderstood what the navigator told her. However, some points still didn't match-up with what she said.

Usopp then yelled, "But that's not the worst part! He was hiding that thing in his pants and pulled it out like it was normal!" His hand returning to his mouth to not puke again.

Now her doubts were clear…

"Shishishishishi! Your reactions were so fun. I had a blast!"

"WELL, WE DIDN'T!" The whole crew, minus Robin, yelled.

* * *

 **How was it? The length shouldn't be less than the previous one, but I feel like it's shorter. Maybe because there is less dialogues. Really, Luffy is the perfect character for this type of fics. It's as if he was created for that! And Nami has the best personality among female One Piece characters to make those misunderstandings better. So I'm surprised that there isn't much fics like this one. Try it! It's fun ^^ I thank the G-8 filler arc or I could have never imagined Luffy with a sea cucumber in his pants.**


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